is there hope for this?

I’m probably gonna spend my weekend with my good pal, Lonesome.

I asked Alex if there’s anything going on tonight, but until then… I’m laying on my bed. Crying.

Last night was so stupid.

I was supposed to have fun because of all the drinking and partying and the people. But I didn’t have fun. I spent every minute sippin’ and checking. Checking and waiting. Waiting and getting frustrated. Getting frustrated and taking a shot. It’s going to take time, but obviously it’s NOT the right time.

It’s going to take time for me to forget you. Like you want me to. Although I don’t want me to. Well then.. Fuck you.

I’m stronger than this. I deserve better.

After my drive, I’m gonna delete everything, erase everything, take down everything that has to deal with him. He is dead to me.

Yet I still cry at night.

In 2010, I have experienced life.

From drugs, to sex, to mental beatings from my mom, to cutting, to being saved by God once again. And you know what, that’s where I am ending. In 2011, I’m hoping that I’ll become a better person. With a better attitude, with better friends, a better relationship with my mom, and a better purpose for life…

Because as of last night, there wasn’t a purpose. Instead, there was my wrist, and a knife, and people who didn’t care. As of last night, being called a bitch by your mom…. Wow. What’s the meaning of life?

But I know God has a way, he always does. It just takes time.

12/1/10

Happy 2 months, Joseph Ebreo Rogel.

I’ve had commitment problems in the past, but I know where I belong now. In your arms. I love you, and I hope we stay forever.

I’ve been crying a lot lately,

And it’s making my eyes smaller and puffier, and more uglier than I was before.

H8 lyf.